irma, be positive!
haih…
i’ve been thinking bout dis 4 a few days ago.. i dunno.. i dun understand my own problem.. specificly i dont.. i dun wanna go there xceli.. i mean i wanted 2 but not 4 long period.. i’ve been thinking sooooo much rite? yea.. haih.. thinking bout da jarak.. sooooooooooooo jauh… over da sea.. n da fees to come back needed bout thousand! hey.. i should b positive.. i can learn how 2 b independent there.. buy my own food,clothes…ah.. i gonna miss my mum! my dad… my cats.. my bed.. my room… yea.. i never been "divorced" wit all of them. me manja.. yupp.. mnja.. n i cant argued,wrestling wit my younger sis… i cant do that everyday already…
i’ve not packing yet.. too much thing dat i need 2 bring… my own blanket.. my elmo.. how many times did i ngeluh already?? dunno……. it’s totaaly hard 4 me.. being far from my house.. my heaven.. my mama,my abah,baby,my dol,my shinbey,my black n my grey… ya allah.. my i should have this feeling?? i should go there wit hati yang lapang..fikir sesuatu yang gembira..bahagia.. dunno…i want to stay here.. but till wen?? never being apart wit family..so i ges dis is da time rite?? if not now wen?? i cant be wit them forever.. my pray "semoga kami semua bersatu kembali sebagai keluarga di akhirat sana… amiin.."
plus,last nite something happen…i thought i can do it but i cant… yea… hard 4 him to do dat.. yea.. i have to understand.. have to try… who am i to him?? not sure.. honestly sometimes i felt lik i’m not special at all… although he said a thousan times.. mbe bcause too pain.. confusing.. been betrayed.. my loyalty… gone… wat is my topic again?? mm.. be positive.. how can i??? i knw i’m going to misssssssssssssssssssssss them so musc… by hook or crook i have to go… to get my own life… far.. far away from them…
mbe its not to hard..but i make it looked sooo hard…. i make it just like i cant handle it…but..again…over da sea..far far away…. n i never been jauh…haih… and he influenced my feeling.. i hate dis.. yea..evrything seems to b hard for me.. but not others.. too much excuses..u dun have troubled urself 4 me k..
i should stop now.. feel lik wanna cry… manja…..watever… i should relief dis..not packed anything yet..so much to bring..hope dis gonna b ok..but how??? ntah…. rite now i felt i dun want to meet him..yeaa… "panas..jauh..jln sesak..tgk la..ntah la.."..that’s enuf of shown how u aprreciate me.. or mbe i just think too much..
